doors, modern natural selection
I've been taking public transit for two years to get to work. I have a car, but hug a tree and all that.
About two weeks ago, I boarded the metro and waited for the doors to close. As they slid closed, a guy with his pouffy hair was swaggering towards the metro (henceforth referred to as "Brilliance"). Not one to be thwarted by something silly like the door closing, Brilliance charged the doors, and got his shoulders stuck. He violently shook and managed to shove his upper body into the train, but got his foot stuck in the door. Brilliance figured the best way out of this particular predicament was to jump and kick the door with his unstuck foot. He liberated his trapped foot, but in the process jarred the doors. The metro operators will slam the doors open and closed very quickly to allow people to pull stuck bags/children/limbs from between them, but that is definately not a time that a levelheaded member of society would choose to get on or off the metro. Well, Brilliance had jarred the doors so badly that they were stuck open about three inches, and wouldn't open or close. Rolling my eyes, I nudged the door with my foot, and it slid closed.
Then, from the other end of the metro, there was a big commotion. The doors were firmly closed, but there was a crowd clearly upset about something. It seems that an older gentleman, who I shall henceforth refer to as "Shuffles" (no particular reason, it just seems funny) decided to use Brilliance's getting the doors stuck to leave the metro. Somehow, and to this day I don't understand how, he managed to get his head stuck in the doors. This was all going on in the last car of the metro. I suppose the operator couldn't see what was going on, but was quite fed up with opening and closing the doors and wasn't going to do it anymore. So, people were yelling and trying to pry the doors off Shuffles' neck, as he was screaming and generally freaking out. After about 30 seconds of wrestling with the doors (which I am now convinced are operated by industrial-grade hydraulics) someone pulled the emergency stop lever, and after another fifteen seconds or so, the doors slid open.
The operator was more than annoyed about having to come and inspect what was going on, but we eventually got underway, leaving Shuffles staggaring about the platform.
About two hours later, as I was heading to my friend's place for a late dinner, I hopped on a city bus. Behind me was a man who I'll call Squishy. Squishy was carrying two grocery bags and a pizza box. He was obviously excited about his pizza. I would be, too. Pizza is good. He moved towards the back of the bus and stood near the rear door. The right door of the two doors opens along a rail, with a pole at the end. As the bus started moving, Squishy decided to rest his pizza on the rail. The first stop passed uneventfully, but at the second stop, someone, who I will not nickname, decided to exit the bus from the rear. As the doors slid open, Squishy's pizza slid along the rail and got trapped between the door and the pole. I guess the doors don't close unless they have opened all the way first, so Squishy's pizza was firmly trapped. He pulled and pushed on his pizza box with both hands, to no avail. Growing more desperate, he redoubled his efforts. The box folded like a taco. Sauce dripping out the sides, and cheese, I'm sure, sliding towards the middle of his magled pizza. As I watched his face fall in the way only someone who was excited about food now ruined can, I realized something.
Lesson learned; respect the door.
About two weeks ago, I boarded the metro and waited for the doors to close. As they slid closed, a guy with his pouffy hair was swaggering towards the metro (henceforth referred to as "Brilliance"). Not one to be thwarted by something silly like the door closing, Brilliance charged the doors, and got his shoulders stuck. He violently shook and managed to shove his upper body into the train, but got his foot stuck in the door. Brilliance figured the best way out of this particular predicament was to jump and kick the door with his unstuck foot. He liberated his trapped foot, but in the process jarred the doors. The metro operators will slam the doors open and closed very quickly to allow people to pull stuck bags/children/limbs from between them, but that is definately not a time that a levelheaded member of society would choose to get on or off the metro. Well, Brilliance had jarred the doors so badly that they were stuck open about three inches, and wouldn't open or close. Rolling my eyes, I nudged the door with my foot, and it slid closed.
Then, from the other end of the metro, there was a big commotion. The doors were firmly closed, but there was a crowd clearly upset about something. It seems that an older gentleman, who I shall henceforth refer to as "Shuffles" (no particular reason, it just seems funny) decided to use Brilliance's getting the doors stuck to leave the metro. Somehow, and to this day I don't understand how, he managed to get his head stuck in the doors. This was all going on in the last car of the metro. I suppose the operator couldn't see what was going on, but was quite fed up with opening and closing the doors and wasn't going to do it anymore. So, people were yelling and trying to pry the doors off Shuffles' neck, as he was screaming and generally freaking out. After about 30 seconds of wrestling with the doors (which I am now convinced are operated by industrial-grade hydraulics) someone pulled the emergency stop lever, and after another fifteen seconds or so, the doors slid open.
The operator was more than annoyed about having to come and inspect what was going on, but we eventually got underway, leaving Shuffles staggaring about the platform.
About two hours later, as I was heading to my friend's place for a late dinner, I hopped on a city bus. Behind me was a man who I'll call Squishy. Squishy was carrying two grocery bags and a pizza box. He was obviously excited about his pizza. I would be, too. Pizza is good. He moved towards the back of the bus and stood near the rear door. The right door of the two doors opens along a rail, with a pole at the end. As the bus started moving, Squishy decided to rest his pizza on the rail. The first stop passed uneventfully, but at the second stop, someone, who I will not nickname, decided to exit the bus from the rear. As the doors slid open, Squishy's pizza slid along the rail and got trapped between the door and the pole. I guess the doors don't close unless they have opened all the way first, so Squishy's pizza was firmly trapped. He pulled and pushed on his pizza box with both hands, to no avail. Growing more desperate, he redoubled his efforts. The box folded like a taco. Sauce dripping out the sides, and cheese, I'm sure, sliding towards the middle of his magled pizza. As I watched his face fall in the way only someone who was excited about food now ruined can, I realized something.
Lesson learned; respect the door.
posted by M at 2:05 PM
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