Look out for the couch!
This week has been full-tilt, don't stop, don't breathe. It's like Lemon has been playing in the background.
I feel like that Jamiroquai video, where the floor is sliding around under him, and the furniture will suddenly shoot away from the wall and he dances around it. I realized, finally, that the thing that's under my skin and gnawing away at me is that I have nothing to hold on to. I've systematically destroyed friendships and relationships. My job is challenging, and I am not rising to the occasion, and I'm putting myself through emotional hell because I can't seem to get my act together. I haven't been as active as I'm used to being. My relationship with my family is strained. I have no passion.
Now, it's not as bad as all that. I'm not despairing or anything. Despair can be a verb, right? No matter. I just feel ungrounded. Really, really ungrounded.
Like the Jamiroquai video.
Anyway, then. I'm moving in the right direction. I've realized the problem. S. Problems. I know I have a massive amount of work to do on... well, honestly, every aspect of my life. Hell, I can't even be consistant with updating Blogly. I need to get active (again). I need to drink more water and less coffee and wine and beer. I need to take classes so I can learn how to lead effective meetings. I need to learn how to manage stress and separate myself from my job. I need to learn not to take professional things personally. I need to learn French, and stop being so scared to be bad at speaking it. I need to find passion. I need to get a wrist support for my keyboard at work so my wrist problem doesn't get worse. I need to work on my relationships with my family and my friends. I need to dump on other people less. I need to clean more. Revision: I need to clean, period. I need to learn my own limits. I need to learn to control my temper. I need to learn to control my temper. I need to learn to control my temper. I need to learn to control my temper.
I just wish I could step back, and look at my life, and say, "well, I'm a royal fuckup, but at least I'm doing that right," and there would be one thing. Just one. Uno. Un. Ichi. Ein.
Due to chaos and lack of resolution at work, I am being dispatched to "drop in" on one of our suppliers in California. It's not going to be fun and games. At all. But if the problem turns out to be worse than we think (which I have a sneaking suspicion it is), maybe I can swing it so I can see my friends in San Diego. Hopefully we'll finish work on Thursday night or Friday morning and I can stay the weekend. I don't know how one swings that, but I'm gonna try.
Virtual insanity....
I feel like that Jamiroquai video, where the floor is sliding around under him, and the furniture will suddenly shoot away from the wall and he dances around it. I realized, finally, that the thing that's under my skin and gnawing away at me is that I have nothing to hold on to. I've systematically destroyed friendships and relationships. My job is challenging, and I am not rising to the occasion, and I'm putting myself through emotional hell because I can't seem to get my act together. I haven't been as active as I'm used to being. My relationship with my family is strained. I have no passion.
Now, it's not as bad as all that. I'm not despairing or anything. Despair can be a verb, right? No matter. I just feel ungrounded. Really, really ungrounded.
Like the Jamiroquai video.
Anyway, then. I'm moving in the right direction. I've realized the problem. S. Problems. I know I have a massive amount of work to do on... well, honestly, every aspect of my life. Hell, I can't even be consistant with updating Blogly. I need to get active (again). I need to drink more water and less coffee and wine and beer. I need to take classes so I can learn how to lead effective meetings. I need to learn how to manage stress and separate myself from my job. I need to learn not to take professional things personally. I need to learn French, and stop being so scared to be bad at speaking it. I need to find passion. I need to get a wrist support for my keyboard at work so my wrist problem doesn't get worse. I need to work on my relationships with my family and my friends. I need to dump on other people less. I need to clean more. Revision: I need to clean, period. I need to learn my own limits. I need to learn to control my temper. I need to learn to control my temper. I need to learn to control my temper. I need to learn to control my temper.
I just wish I could step back, and look at my life, and say, "well, I'm a royal fuckup, but at least I'm doing that right," and there would be one thing. Just one. Uno. Un. Ichi. Ein.
Due to chaos and lack of resolution at work, I am being dispatched to "drop in" on one of our suppliers in California. It's not going to be fun and games. At all. But if the problem turns out to be worse than we think (which I have a sneaking suspicion it is), maybe I can swing it so I can see my friends in San Diego. Hopefully we'll finish work on Thursday night or Friday morning and I can stay the weekend. I don't know how one swings that, but I'm gonna try.
Virtual insanity....
posted by M at 9:10 PM
2 Comments:
Good luck getting to see your friends, yo.
So your New Year's resolutions came, just a bit late, eh? ;) Just kidding.
And, whenever I use the word doopid, I still think of you, even if some fockers over at Urban Dictionary put it in there. Doopid is all yours, in my book.
For, like, whatever that's worth.
-J
I'm so proud I am giving you no advice. See how lucky you are?
I always felt like this before I was smacked over the head by God.
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